Konnichiwaaagh! High School
A Brutal & Kunnin' RPG · One Page · One Die · Many Teef
YER ORK
Name: Pick something like Gorzilla-chan, Dakka-senpai, Sneeki-kun, or Choppa-chan.
Uniform: Skirt or trousers. There is no reason for this. Do not ask.
Number: Choose from 2 to 5. This is your place on the BRUTAL ↔ KUNNIN' axis.
2 DEAD BRUTAL · 3 BRUTAL · 4 KUNNIN' · 5 PROPER KUNNIN'Start with: 3 Teef and one bit of gear (choppa, shoota, lunchbox-bomb, suspicious squig, etc.)
Club: Pick one. You get +1 die (keep best) when acting in your club's style.
| Club | Style |
|---|---|
| Dakka Club | More shooting solves everything |
| Speed Freeks | Outrun consequences |
| Mek Workshop | Build something unstable |
| Sneeki Gitz Society | If they saw you, you failed |
| Choppa Club | Direct. Very direct. |
DA ROLL
When you do something risky, roll 1d6. If it's just normal Ork behavior, it just happens — no roll needed.
Roll < your number → BRUTAL success. Force, volume, presence. You win loud. Everyone sees it. Gain +1 Teef.
Roll > your number → KUNNIN' success. Trickery, setup, timing. You win smart. Gain advantage on your next roll OR steal 1 Teef quietly.
Roll = your number → WAAAGH!!! You succeed AND everything escalates. Contagious. Uncontrollable. Gain +2 Teef, then roll on the Waaagh table.
Failure: If neither success type makes sense (GM call), you get krumped, embarrassed, or outmaneuvered. Lose 1 Teef or your situation gets worse.
ORK VS ORK
Both roll. Compare type first: Brutal beats Kunnin' in open confrontation. Kunnin' beats Brutal if the setup was established beforehand. WAAAGH beats everything but drags both parties (and probably bystanders) into chaos. Same type? Highest roll wins. Tied? It's a proper scrap — both lose 1 Teef and the scene gets worse.
NPCs & OPPOSITION
The GM rolls 1d6 for any NPC. Important NPCs (Headmistress, rival Boss) roll 2d6 keep best. Compare results against the Ork's roll using the Ork vs Ork rules.
"Da Headmistress rolls two dice because she's DA BIGGEST."
TEEF
Teef are money, status, and survival. At 0 Teef, you're grot-tier: bullied, volunteered for terrible jobs, or "temporarily removed from school."
Spend Teef to:
- 1 Teef: Small bribe, minor gear, avoid a single consequence
- 2 Teef: Recruit a grot helper, upgrade gear, reroll one die
- 3 Teef: Declare "Nah, dat didn't 'appen like dat" (retcon one event)
WAAAGH!!! TABLE
When someone rolls WAAAGH, roll d6:
| d6 | WOT JUST 'APPENED |
|---|---|
| 1 | A wall, floor, or ceiling stops being structural |
| 2 | A rival club shows up and takes sides |
| 3 | The Headmistress arrives personally. Everyone freezes. |
| 4 | Someone's Mek project activates prematurely |
| 5 | A squig gets loose. It's big. It's hungry. |
| 6 | Full school WAAAGH. All scenes merge. Final bell early. |
A DAY AT SCHOOL
Play through 3–5 scenes. The GM picks or rolls d6:
| d6 | DA SCENE |
|---|---|
| 1 | Assembly. Synchronized WAAAGH. Announcements via shouting. Attendance by headcount of survivors. |
| 2 | Class. Applied Dakka, Kunnin' Tactics, Speed Studies, or Squig Biology. Group work = group combat. |
| 3 | Club time. Inter-club rivalry is curriculum-adjacent. |
| 4 | Lunch. Resource scramble. Food chain made visible. |
| 5 | Detention. Targeted skill development via fighting someone bigger. |
| 6 | After school. Boss fight, escalation, or reckoning. |
TODAY'S CRISIS
At the start of the day, roll d6 for what's going wrong:
| d6 | OH NO |
|---|---|
| 1 | Uniform inspection. The Headmistress is checking dress code. Violations will be corrected. Physically. |
| 2 | A rival school's warboss has sent a "cultural exchange student." They are enormous. |
| 3 | The cafeteria squig supply has been stolen. Everyone is hungry and someone is profiteering. |
| 4 | A Mek Club project is ticking. Nobody remembers building it. It's getting louder. |
| 5 | School photo day. Everyone must stand still and smile. This may be impossible. |
| 6 | Sports day against another school. Events include: dakka relay, squig toss, competitive krumpin'. |
END OF DAY
Whoever has the most Teef becomes Class Boss next session. They set one rule for the next school day, start with +1 Teef, and immediately become everyone's target. Ties settled by immediate, violent election.
TONE RULE: PLAY EVERYTHING COMPLETELY STRAIGHT. THIS IS A SCHOOL. THESE ARE NORMAL ACTIVITIES. VIOLENCE IS JUST PART OF THE CURRICULUM.
A Brutal & Kunnin' hack inspired by Lasers & Feelings by John Harper · Setting riffs on a universe by Games Workshop · This is unofficial fan content · Not approved or endorsed · Made with too much laughter