The Inevitable Plastique Explosion
A Brutal & Kunnin' Night at the Waaghtory · Four Musicians · One Chanteuse · One Soup Can
DA BAND
Four Ork musicians and a Chanteuse, performing one night at Big Boss Waaghol's Waaghtory. Waaghol does not play. He watches. He holds a soup can. His silence is worse than any opinion. When he notices you, you gain Noize. When he stops noticing you, you cease to exist artistically.
Each player picks a role:
| Role | Vibe | Bonus |
|---|---|---|
| Da Lead | Songwriter. In charge. Resents everyone who makes the songs better. | +1 die when asserting creative control |
| Da Drone | Avant-garde. Channeling something dangerous. Might be a Weirdboy. | +1 die when doing something nobody asked for musically |
| Da Quiet One | Competent. Underappreciated. Holding the whole thing together. | +1 die when keeping the song from collapsing |
| Da Hitter | Percussion. Standing up. Hitting things. Pure Brutal rhythm. | +1 die when solving problems with volume or impact |
| Da Chanteuse | Added by Waaghol. Nobody asked for this. Wearing a dress. Don't ask. | +1 die when making things more awkward |
Number: Choose from 2 to 5 on the BRUTAL ↔ KUNNIN' axis.
2 ALL NOIZE · 3 BRUTAL · 4 KUNNIN' · 5 ALL STRUCTUREStart with: 3 Noize and one instrument (guitar, bass, viola-that's-actually-a-shoota, drums-that-are-garbage-lids, harmonium-of-doom, voice, feedback pedal, etc.)
DA ROLL
When you do something risky — musically, socially, or structurally — roll 1d6.
Roll < your number → BRUTAL. Raw, loud, confrontational. The audience flinches. The room shakes. Feedback becomes melody by force. Gain +1 Noize.
Roll > your number → KUNNIN'. Tight, controlled, hypnotic. The audience leans in. The arrangement reveals itself as intentional. Gain advantage on next roll OR quietly steal 1 Noize.
Roll = your number → WAAAGH!!! The song transcends both. Something happens that nobody planned, including the band. It might be genius. It's definitely dangerous. Gain +2 Noize, then roll on Da Feedback Table.
Failure: You lose the beat, the key, the room, or your composure. Lose 1 Noize. Waaghol noticed. He looked away.
MUSICIAN VS MUSICIAN
Both roll. Brutal beats Kunnin' in a volume war. Kunnin' beats Brutal if the arrangement was set up first. WAAAGH beats everything but drags the whole band into the vortex. Tied? Creative differences. Both lose 1 Noize. The Chanteuse looks pleased. This is worse.
NOIZE
Noize is volume, influence, and artistic credibility. At 0 Noize, you're inaudible. The grots are louder. Waaghol has stopped watching. You may as well not be on stage.
Spend Noize to:
- 1 Noize: Override one note, redirect a song mid-performance, get Waaghol to glance your way
- 2 Noize: Change the set list, reroll one die, recruit a hanger-on as temporary backup
- 3 Noize: Declare "Dat woz avant-garde" (retcon one disaster into intentional art)
DA FEEDBACK TABLE
When someone rolls WAAAGH, roll d6:
| d6 | WOT JUST 'APPENED TO DA SONG |
|---|---|
| 1 | The feedback becomes a drone that won't stop. It's either beautiful or structural damage. Both. |
| 2 | A hanger-on rushes the stage and starts "performing." They are terrible. The crowd loves it. |
| 3 | Waaghol stands up. Everyone freezes. He adjusts his sunglasses. Sits back down. Says nothing. The tension is unbearable. |
| 4 | Da Chanteuse begins singing a completely different song simultaneously. It somehow works. |
| 5 | Something in the Waaghtory catches fire. The grots panic. The band does not stop playing. |
| 6 | The song achieves WAAAGH resonance. Everyone in the building is now part of it. The walls vibrate. A grot transcends briefly. |
ONE NIGHT AT DA WAAGHTORY
Play through 4–5 sets. The GM picks or rolls d6:
| d6 | DA SET |
|---|---|
| 1 | Soundcheck. Argue about the set list. Someone wants the fifteen-minute drone. Someone else wants the three-minute pop song. The Chanteuse wants to do her own thing. Waaghol says nothing. |
| 2 | The Song. Perform one song. Each musician rolls to see if their contribution goes Brutal or Kunnin'. The combination determines how the audience reacts. |
| 3 | The Crowd. Hangers-on, art critics, rival bands, a grot journalist, someone who might be an Inquisitor or might just be an intense patron. Social chaos between sets. |
| 4 | Creative Differences. Two musicians disagree about direction. The argument is resolved musically (Musician vs Musician). The loser plays backup for the next song. Humiliating. |
| 5 | The Film. Waaghol is shooting a film of the performance. He points the camera at whoever interests him. Being filmed grants +1 Noize. Being ignored costs nothing but feels like death. |
| 6 | The Encore. The crowd demands more. The band is barely speaking to each other. Play one final song with maximum internal tension. Every musician rolls. Most WAAAGH results in a single song wins. |
DA SET LIST FIGHT
Before each Song set, argue about what to play. Roll d6:
| d6 | WOT SONG |
|---|---|
| 1 | Da Lead's three-minute pop song about feelings (Ork feelings: anger, louder anger, and the one that might be sadness but is probably gas) |
| 2 | Da Drone's seventeen-minute feedback piece with no discernible melody. Possibly a weapon. |
| 3 | A "compromise" that satisfies no one. The song is two songs played simultaneously. |
| 4 | Da Chanteuse's ballad. Sung in a key that doesn't exist. Everyone else must adapt or suffer. |
| 5 | A cover of something the audience knows, played in a way the audience does not recognize. |
| 6 | No agreed song. Everyone starts playing what they want. The result is either catastrophe or genius. Roll to find out. |
Arguments resolved by Musician vs Musician. The winner picks the song. Everyone else sulks audibly.
WAAGHOL'S GAZE
Waaghol does not act. He observes. Once per set, the GM rolls d6. On a 5–6, Waaghol notices something. Whoever did the most interesting thing that set gains +2 Noize. Waaghol does not explain what he found interesting. He never explains. His silence is a system and it runs without reasons.
"He looked at me. I fink. Da sunglasses make it 'ard to tell."
DA GROTS (STUDIO ASSISTANTS)
The Waaghtory has d6 grots running around doing actual work: moving equipment, making prints, putting out fires (literal), screening calls, making soup. They are NPCs. They roll 1d6. If a grot succeeds at something helpful, nobody thanks them. If they fail, they are blamed for everything. This is the music industry.
END OF NIGHT
Whoever has the most Noize becomes Creative Lead for the next session. They decide the direction of the next recording. Everyone else resents this. This resentment is the fuel for the next night.
If Da Chanteuse has the most Noize, Da Lead quits temporarily. (They will be back next session. They always come back.)
If Da Drone has the most Noize, the next session's songs are 40% longer and 60% more unsettling.
DA CAMPFIRE RULE (ADAPTED)
After the final set, each musician can say one thing about the night. It will be ignored, contradicted, or answered with a grunt. But the player to your left secretly writes what their character actually thought about the performance — the thing they'd say if Orks had the vocabulary for artistic vulnerability. Read these aloud after the game. Do not discuss in character. Ever.
"Dat bit wiv da feedback woz... it woz... nah, forget it."
PLAY THE ART COMPLETELY STRAIGHT. THIS IS SERIOUS WORK. THE BUILDING IS ON FIRE AND THE CHANTEUSE IS IN THE WRONG KEY AND THE DRUMS ARE GARBAGE LIDS. NONE OF THIS DIMINISHES THE ARTISTIC INTEGRITY OF THE EVENING. THE WAAGHTORY PRODUCES.
A Brutal & Kunnin' hack inspired by Lasers & Feelings by John Harper · Setting riffs on universes by Games Workshop and Andy Warhol's New York · Unofficial · Unauthorized · The grots did all the work