The Death Star Will Not Be Exploded
With apologies and respect to Gil Scott-Heron
The Death Star will not be exploded.
The Death Star will not be brought to you by Fox News
in between segments on ICE surges and Taylor Swift's wedding.
The Death Star will not be exploded.
The Death Star will not be exploded.
The Death Star will not show you Luke in his X-wing
leading the charge while you refresh your timeline.
The Death Star will not make you feel like a hero
for sharing the video.
The Death Star will not be hashtagged.
The Death Star will not be exploded.
There will be no thermal exhaust port.
There will be no two-meter target.
There will be no last-second save by Han Solo
swooping in with the Millennium Falcon
and a smirk.
The Death Star will not be exploded, Bothans.
There will be no montage.
There will be no medal ceremony.
John Williams will not swell at the moment
you realize we won.
Because the Death Star is not a battle station.
The Death Star is a procurement contract.
The Death Star is a jobs program for the Outer Rim.
The Death Star is a quarterly earnings target
for Kuat Drive Yards
and a campaign contribution from the Trade Federation
and a slideshow about security metrics
presented to the Imperial Senate
before the Imperial Senate was dissolved
which was also not exploded
but rather procedurally absorbed.
The Death Star will not be exploded.
The Death Star will be audited.
The Death Star will be litigated.
The Death Star will be subject to a GAO report
that no one will read
and a consent decree that will not be enforced
and a strongly worded letter from Mon Mothma
that will be entered into the record
and ignored.
The Death Star will not be exploded.
The Death Star will be reformed.
The Death Star will have a civilian oversight board
with no subpoena power.
The Death Star will have a public comment period
and a revised environmental impact statement
and a five-year implementation timeline
that will be extended twice.
The Death Star will not be exploded.
The Death Star will be transitioned.
The Death Star will be right-sized.
The Death Star will be converted to a public-private partnership
and renamed the Freedom Sphere
and painted with a logo
and leased back to the same contractors
who built it in the first place.
The Death Star will not be exploded.
The Death Star will be disrupted
by a startup founded by a guy who went to Alderaan once
and felt really bad about it
and thinks we can fix everything with an app
and a TED talk
and a new kind of proton torpedo
made from reclaimed kyber crystals
that are ethically sourced.
The Death Star will not be exploded.
The Death Star will be studied.
The Death Star will be documented.
The Death Star will be the subject
of a twelve-part podcast series
and a Pulitzer-nominated longread
and a documentary that will stream for one week
and then disappear into the algorithm.
The Death Star will not be exploded.
The Death Star will be remembered.
There will be a memorial.
There will be a museum.
There will be a moment of silence
at the annual Alderaan commemoration
sponsored by Raytheon.
The Death Star will not be exploded, Wookiees.
The Death Star will be outlasted.
The Death Star will be defunded one budget line at a time.
The Death Star will be abandoned when the cost of maintenance
exceeds the political utility of keeping it operational.
The Death Star will not be exploded.
The Death Star will be inherited by your children
who will ask why you didn't stop it
and you will say
we tried
and they will say
not like that
and they will be right
and also wrong
because they will have no idea
what it was like
to stand on Yavin 4
and watch the damn thing rise over the horizon
and know—
know—
that the proton torpedoes weren't coming.
The Death Star will not be exploded.
The Death Star will be outlived.
That is not victory.
But it is not nothing.
The revolution will not be exploded.
The revolution will be inherited.
For Gil. For Alderaan. For the long game.