By The Intrepid — 03 Apr 2025

Tariff Theory in Two Movements: Hatless Left, Punk Right

Opening Riff

Tariffs were once trade nerd trivia—now they’re headlining, sparking meltdowns and mosh pits across the political spectrum. The twist? It’s not Left vs. Right—it’s fractures within the factions, glitching, riffing, and howling through the haze.
We’ve got two amps cranked. This is Tariff Theory in Two Movements.

Side 1: When the Left Lost Their Hat

The Scene
1999: Seattle streets, tear gas, WTO puppets of corporate pigs. The Left’s chant? Globalization’s a vampire—draining jobs from Main Street to sweatshops. Solidarity, not borders, was the beat.
2025: Tariffs spike—20% on steel, 25% on tech. The Left’s mid-set, split. Some cheer protectionism like it’s their encore. Others? Hats off, screaming betrayal in the pit.

The Flip

1. Jobs vs. Receipts
Pro-tariff Left bangs a worker’s drum:

“Steel’s back—12,000 jobs in 2018, more coming. Unions rise, factories hum.”
Hat-losers flash Joe Everyman’s bill:
“Inflation’s up 3%. Fridge costs $70 more. Who’s saved?”
Class war in stereo—worker’s back vs. shopper’s wallet.

2. Globalism’s Ghost
Old Left dreamed borderless solidarity—capital crushed, workers united. Tariffs? Walls, not bridges.

X rants: “We didn’t trash Starbucks for this nationalist remix!”
Pragmatists shrug: globalization gutted Detroit. Tariffs are the last chord.

3. Green Static
Local cuts shipping emissions—cool. But China’s solar panels, EV batteries? Tariffed.

“Made Here Now” camp vibes.
“Clean tech’s delayed two years” camp sweats.
Eco-identity vs. eco-math, drums offbeat.

The Chorus Cracks

Pittsburgh union boss, fist up, roars tariffs. Portland prof, hat gone, cries xenophobia. X’s a circus—#LeftForTariffs vs. #GlobalLeft, Bernie in a hard hat vs. AOC’s megaphone.
Left’s remix glitches—4/4 lockstep to chaoscore. Hats fly. Feedback wails. Molting’s messy.

Side 2: Steel Strings and Silicon Walls — The Right’s Protectionist Encore

The Hook
Protectionism was the Right’s power ballad—Reagan’s “Buy American,” Buchanan’s growl, Trump’s “Hire American” over Rust Belt amps. Tariffs smashed globalism, a steel anthem for Fox diehards.
“They took our jobs!”—war cry, not meme.

The Chords Shift

1. Free Market vs. Populists
Old Right—Wall Street suits, Friedman fans—clutches pearls:

“Tariffs? Socialism in disguise!”
“Trade wars tax us.”
New Right shreds on TikTok:
“China’s not winning.”
“Sovereignty needs economic walls.”
Friedman vs. MAGA, drum kit’s toast.

2. Culture War, Reframed
Tariffs turn culture bombs:

Beyond jobs, it’s “save values.”
TikTok bans, chip tariffs? Shields vs. ideological creep.
Policy’s a purity test—civilizational, not spreadsheets.

3. China Factor (Loud)
Anti-China’s the bassline:

Factories vs. Shenzhen.
Satellites vs. spies.
Freedom vs. “commie tyranny.”
Ex-free-traders clap tariffs as war drums, not market play.

The Crackle

Tech Titans Traitors
Silicon Valley’s off the playlist:

Apple, Google hate tariffs? Sus.
“Outsourcing elites aren’t us.”
“Big Tech skips your rights.”
Tariffs flip off tech lords—people’s firewall.

Rhythm of Revenge
Not policy—punk payback:

Shuttered plants.
Coastal suits.
40 years of “just-in-time” lies.
Right’s screaming revival or torching Davos. Raw, loud, messy.

Cue from the Lighting Booth

Tariffs aren’t footnotes—they’re the fog machine blasting both stages.
Left glitches: worker dreams vs. global ghosts. Right roars: market gospel vs. nationalist grit.
Not Left vs. Right—old guards vs. new rebels, thrashing in tariff smoke.
We’re in the catwalk, beams on, watching who grabs the mic.
Stage is loud. Lights move. Keep your hat strapped.

Side 3: The Consensus Cracked

A One-Sided Flexidisc from the Hill

The crowd’s already thrashed to glitchcore Left and punk Right. The fog machine’s wheezing. The hat’s long gone.
And then someone in a suit steps up to the mic—not to play the old chart hits, but to admit the setlist changed.

“The consensus in Washington used to be...”
—Senator Chris Murphy, April 2025

And just like that, we’ve got a third side—not a remix, but a reckoning.

This isn’t rebellion. This is recognition.
The center’s not holding—it’s reframing.

What This Side Sounds Like

Less distortion, more echo. A polished admission that free trade’s shine wore off, and the working class wasn’t just “resilient”—they were collateral.
No drum solo. Murphy doesn’t offer a new rhythm—just an acknowledgment the old one collapsed.
Institutional self-awareness. Rare. Brief. Like someone turned on the house lights mid-show.

Pressed in Mono, Played in Stereo

This side doesn’t slam. It hums—like a warm-up tone before the next act.
But make no mistake: the fact it exists means the venue’s changed.

The Washington consensus used to hum through every speaker. Now even its defenders are grabbing unplugged guitars and squinting at the crowd.

Lighting Guy’s Cue:

If the Left glitched and the Right screamed, this side pauses. Breathes.
Not a new set, but a cracked mirror of the old one.

Play it once. Then decide what side you’re really on.