Dungeons, Incorporated: The Demonweb Pits
Lolth's Corporate Web of Suffering
Where Evil Meets Excel: Corporate Chaos in the Demonweb Pits
Our "Disasters of War" series takes a deliciously twisted turn as we descend into the Demonweb Pits, where Lolth's corporate empire makes even the grimmest military bureaucracy look like a workplace wellness retreat. In this expansion, you'll play middle managers in the Spider Queen's interdimensional web of suffering, caught between impossible chaos-sowing KPIs and the constant threat of being transformed into a drider for missing your quarterly betrayal metrics. It's D&D's most notorious evil goddess meets modern corporate dysfunction, complete with Yochlol middle management and literally soul-crushing accounting departments.
This installment captures the authentic Demonweb experience: constant backstabbing, impossible demands from an insane goddess, and the knowledge that your performance review might be conducted via ritual combat to the death. You'll navigate everything from interdimensional building code compliance to emotional support spiderlings, all while trying to survive four Plotting Cycles without being sacrificed to Lolth or having your "workplace flexibility" redefined as "transformation into spider-centaur hybrid." It's corporate satire meets chaotic evil divinity, where the only thing more terrifying than the Spider Queen's wrath is her brand management consultant's PowerPoint on "Optimizing Suffering-as-a-Service Delivery Models."
Legal Disclaimer: This is a work of parody and satire protected under fair use. We are not affiliated with, endorsed by, or sponsored by Wizards of the Coast, Lolth, or any other chaotic evil corporate entities. Any resemblance to actual spider goddesses, living or undead, or actual corporate betrayal management practices, malevolent or just toxic, is purely coincidental. Please don't send the Yochlol (or Hasbro's legal department) after us—we're just humble game designers trying to weave satirical commentary into the great web of gaming, and our cottage is definitely not in violation of any interdimensional zoning laws.
User Story Format
"As a [STAKEHOLDER], I want [DEMAND], [JUSTIFICATION]"
Roll 3d6 three times (once for each table) to generate a complete Curse.
Sample Generated User Stories
Example 1:
- Stakeholder: Web structural integrity engineer
- Demand: All web construction to meet interdimensional building codes
- Justification: because we're implementing Arachnid Agility methodology web-wide
Result: "As the web structural integrity engineer, I want all web construction to meet interdimensional building codes, because we're implementing Arachnid Agility methodology web-wide."
Example 2:
- Stakeholder: Lolth's brand management consultant
- Demand: Performance reviews conducted via ritual combat to the death
- Justification: because Lolth threatened to feed the entire department to her pet phase spiders
Result: "As Lolth's brand management consultant, I want performance reviews conducted via ritual combat to the death, because Lolth threatened to feed the entire department to her pet phase spiders." (-2 DPI)
Example 3:
- Stakeholder: Souls in Accounting (literally)
- Demand: Team building exercises where fewer than 90% die from backstabbing
- Justification: to address technical debt in our legacy betrayal management systems
Result: "As Souls in Accounting (literally), I want team building exercises where fewer than 90% die from backstabbing, to address technical debt in our legacy betrayal management systems."
Department Adaptations
Original → Demonweb Equivalent:
- Web Operations & Planar Engineering (Smarts): Manages interdimensional transport and structural web integrity
- Drow Resources & Sacrifice Coordination (Savvy): Handles priestess assignments and ritual scheduling
- Spider-Ship Maintenance & Yochlol Relations (Smarts): Maintains vessels and manages shapeshifter staff
- Mortal Visitor Experience & Torture Quality (Charm): Ensures adventurers suffer appropriately before death
- Abyssal Compliance & Chaos Regulation (Savvy): Navigates demon lord politics and evil bureaucracy
Manager Traits (Demonweb Edition)
- Yes Priestess: +1 Capacity when agreeing with Matron demands, but you must always prostrate yourself (even during planar invasions)
- Web Weaver: Once per cycle, re-roll a failed Curse using "intricate plotting," but lose 1 DPI if your scheme backfires spectacularly
- Chaos Whisperer: +1 on Charm rolls with demons, but +1 Grim Point from constant paranoia about betrayal
Victory/Defeat Conditions
Victory: Survive 4 Plotting Cycles without being sacrificed to Lolth or transformed into a drider for incompetence.
Defeat: DPI hits 0. Lolth personally appears to express her "disappointment." Everyone updates their Abyssal LinkedIn to "Seeking Opportunities in Non-Spider-Based Evil Organizations."
Table 1: STAKEHOLDER (3d6)
Table 2: DEMAND (3d6)
Table 3: JUSTIFICATION (3d6)
Special Demonweb Rules
The Betrayal Protocol: Once per cycle, any player may declare they are "undermining" another department's Curse resolution. Both players roll - winner gets +2 to their roll, loser gets +1 Grim Point and must explain their failure to Lolth personally.
Web Traffic Delays: Whenever a justification mentions "planar convergence," ALL Curses that cycle get +1 Doom Point as interdimensional logistics break down.
Authentic Demonweb Experience
Just like serving the Spider Queen: constant backstabbing, impossible demands from an insane goddess, and the knowledge that your best friend is probably plotting your ritual sacrifice. The only difference is in the game, you might get promoted instead of turned into a spider-centaur hybrid!
"In the twisted web of Lolth's realm, there are no performance improvement plans - only transformation into driders."