By The Intrepid — 16 Jul 2025

Dungeons, Incorporated: Apocrypha Now

Appendices: Corporate Memos from the Multiverse

Every good corporate dystopia needs its paper trail, and our "Disasters of War" series wouldn't be complete without the authentic bureaucratic documentation that makes these fictional hellscapes feel so terrifyingly real. We've compiled internal memos, chat logs, and complaint tickets from across the multiverse, proving that whether you're working for a Bond villain, serving aboard the Enterprise, or planning colony drops for Zeon, the real enemy is always middle management.

From Auric Enterprises Inc.'s struggle with laser-equipped shark procurement ("The aquarium maintenance costs are killing our budget") to Starfleet's alarming casualty statistics by uniform color (Security Red: 847% casualty rate - "somehow losing more people than we actually have"), these documents capture the absurd mundanity that lurks behind every grand evil scheme and heroic mission. Whether it's Margaret from Auric Enterprises Inc. trying to explain why they spent $47 million on "frickin'" certification alone, or Zeon's social calendar coordinator dealing with galas interrupted by Federation attacks, these memos prove that even in the grim darkness of the far future, someone still has to file the TPS reports.

Archival Note: These documents were recovered from various interdimensional corporate servers during routine data mining operations. Any resemblance to actual evil organizations, space militaries, or management practices, dystopian or just incompetent, is purely coincidental. The Grey Ledger Society accepts no responsibility for any existential dread caused by recognizing your own workplace in these fictional corporate communications.

Auric Enterprises Inc. - Internal Memo

TO: All Department Heads
FROM: Margaret Pemberton, VP of Operations
RE: Q3 Performance Issues

Following yesterday's "laser demonstration," we need to address several operational concerns:

Facilities Management: The giant laser carved "GOLDFINGER" into the conference room wall. Maintenance says the repair estimate is $2.3M. Also, can we please use the designated testing range for megalomaniacal demonstrations?

HR Issues: We've had 47 resignation letters this week, all citing "workplace safety concerns" and "unreasonable death ray exposure." Exit interviews mention our health insurance doesn't cover "being painted gold."

Procurement: Stop ordering sharks with frickin' laser beams. The aquarium maintenance costs are killing our budget, and OSHA is asking questions.

Security: The revolving walls are a fire hazard. Also, why do we keep hiring the same incompetent henchmen? Their accuracy rating is 0.3% and they keep monologuing during combat.

Legal: Stop explaining the entire evil plan to captured agents. It's literally creating liability issues.

Treasury: We spent $50M on a moon base and forgot to install adequate ventilation shafts. Please review thermal exhaust port specifications with engineering.

Meeting Request: Can we schedule a strategy session that doesn't involve death traps? The insurance premiums are astronomical.

-Margaret

P.S. - Mr. Goldfinger, if you're reading this, the laser was very impressive sir.

Auric Enterprises Inc., Procurement Department - Internal Chat Log

Margaret_VP: Can someone explain why we ordered 200 "frickin' laser beams" without checking if they're actually compatible with shark anatomy?

TechSpecs_Dave: I sent three emails about the power requirements. Sharks don't have built-in electrical systems.

BudgetGuru_Linda: The laser budget was $50M. We spent $47M on "frickin'" certification alone.

VetConsultant_Sarah: Also, attaching lasers to sharks violates about 47 animal welfare regulations.

Margaret_VP: What's our backup plan?

TechSpecs_Dave: Sea bass with attitude problems?

BudgetGuru_Linda: Much more cost-effective. $200 for the fish, $50 for "mutation" (we just don't feed them for a week).

VetConsultant_Sarah: Technically still animal cruelty, but at least they're not weaponized.

Margaret_VP: Can we make them SOUND threatening?

MarketingMike: I can write some intimidating signage. "DANGER: MODERATELY PERTURBED AQUATIC LIFE"

Margaret_VP: Perfect. Meeting notes: "Successfully delivered marine-based security solution within budget constraints and regulatory compliance."

TechSpecs_Dave: Think he'll notice?

Margaret_VP: He's usually distracted by the moon laser presentation. We'll be fine.

BudgetGuru_Linda: Until next quarter when he wants space sharks.

Margaret_VP: One crisis at a time, people.

USS Enterprise HR Department - Quarterly Report

Uniform Color Analysis:

Command Gold: 2% casualty rate (mostly dramatic sacrifices)
Science Blue: 8% casualty rate (mostly "fascinating" discoveries)
Engineering Red: 73% casualty rate (mostly "Jim, I'm giving her all she's got!")
Security Red: 847% casualty rate (somehow losing more people than we actually have)

Employee Feedback Highlights:

"At least when you die in a transporter accident, it's quick" - Lt. Thompson (Operations)
"I've been 'vaporized by aliens' three times this month. My life insurance premiums are astronomical" - Ensign Rodriguez (Security)
"Honestly, being assimilated by the Borg was less stressful than trying to schedule shore leave" - Lt. Commander Singh (Personnel)

Retention Strategies:

Mandatory will updates before away missions
"Survived First Contact" achievement badges
Grief counseling for anyone who makes it past Ensign rank
Company life insurance now covers "death by plot device"

Exit Interview Summary: "Would you recommend Starfleet to a friend?"

Command: "Absolutely!"
Science: "With reservations"
Engineering: "Only if they like impossible deadlines"
Security: "What friends? They're all dead."

Bottom Line: At least our KPIs for "employee engagement" are technically 100% - you can't be more engaged than "fighting for your life every Tuesday."

-Lt. Commander Martinez, HR P.S. - Captain Kirk, please stop taking the entire senior staff on away missions. We have protocols for a reason.

"Zeon Officers' Annual Gala: A Night to Remember"

7:00 PM - Cocktail reception with Minovsky particle hors d'oeuvres
8:00 PM - Dinner honoring the Zabi family
9:30 PM - Dancing to the Side 3 Symphony Orchestra
9:47 PM - RED ALERT: Federation forces detected at Lagrange Point 2
9:48 PM - Mass scramble as dress uniforms abandoned for pilot suits
10:15 PM - Ballroom converted to tactical command center
11:30 PM - Victory celebration resumes (assuming survival)

Sample Invitation RSVP Options:

Will attend if not currently engaging White Base

On standby for Mobile Suit deployment

Attending solo

Attending with guest

Dress Code: "Formal military attire with pilot suit accessible within 30 seconds"

Entertainment Note: "Orchestra has been trained to transition seamlessly from waltz to battle march upon enemy contact"

Catering Disclaimer: "Menu subject to change based on supply convoy arrival. Backup rations available if asteroid mining operations are disrupted."

Zeon Complaint Department - Sample Tickets

Ticket #UC-0079-2847: "Federation keeps calling us 'space nazis' in diplomatic cables. This is affecting team morale and our Glassdoor ratings."

Ticket #UC-0079-2891: "Earth gravity keeps messing with our Mobile Suit calibrations. Requesting environmental accommodation for weight-sensitive equipment."

Ticket #UC-0079-2903: "White Base destroyed our mining operation AGAIN. Third time this month. Insurance won't cover 'acts of Gundam.'"

Ticket #UC-0079-2964: "Federation recruitment posters still say 'Join the Earth Forces!' Lacks inclusivity for spacenoid applicants. Recommend 'Join the Terrestrial-Adjacent Forces!'"

Ticket #UC-0079-2987: "Char Aznable went rogue again during quarterly planning meeting. HR wants to discuss his 'independent contractor' status."

Colony Drop Mission Planning

✅ Target coordinates verified

✅ Evacuation warnings sent (3 business days notice)

✅ Insurance claims pre-filed

✅ Post-impact cleanup contractors on standby

❌ Still waiting for Form 27-B approval from Gihren's office