Adults on Brooms, Inc.
A Roleplaying Hack of Corporate Magical Dread
Overview: In Adults on Brooms, Inc., players take on the roles of magical employees working at a modern enchanted B-Corp. You have access to powerful spells, interdimensional familiars, and cursed HR software. And yet—like so many others—you are burnt out, over-leveraged, and psychically taxed by your workplace.
This is a game about absurd power and institutional powerlessness.
Core Concept: You're not a student anymore. You got the job. You're living the dream. Except the dream is surveilled, brand-aligned, and under quarterly review.
The company’s mission? "Ethical Enchantment for a Better Tomorrow™."
The actual day-to-day? Team summoning circles. Weaponized wellness seminars. KPI elementals that track your spell efficiency.
Character Creation:
- Choose a Corporate Magical Trope (Examples below)
- Assign your Stat Dice (d20 to d4) to the six Stats:
- Brains → Technical Spellcraft
- Brawn → Bureaucratic Willpower
- Fight → Magical Conflict Resolution
- Flight → Office Politics Evasion
- Charm → Presentation & Influence
- Grit → Burnout Tolerance
- Define:
- Your Familiar (company-assigned or BYO?)
- Your Wand (materials must pass Safety Compliance)
- Your Department & Job Title
- Your Personal Goal (which may or may not align with OKRs)
- One dark secret from your onboarding.
Sample Tropes:
- The Compliance Oracle – sees violations before they occur; no one listens.
- The Reformed Hexslinger – used to do wet work for the Council; now leads conflict mediation.
- The Wellness Wizard – weaponizes positive vibes; deeply broken inside.
- The Arcano-Bureaucrat – can file a TPS report in 3 dimensions; haunted by it.
- The Thought-Leader Warlock – speaks only in spells and LinkedIn posts.
Mechanics:
Spell Checks: Work as per Kids on Brooms, but every spell is logged by the Enchanted Compliance Engine (ECE). Failure may alert HR. Success may result in reassignment.
Quarterly OKRs: Each player chooses 1-2 Objectives per session. These are evaluated at the end:
- Hit your target: gain a bonus or an Adversity Token.
- Miss your target: gain a "Visibility Flag."
Visibility Flags: Three flags = mandatory alignment counseling with the HR Lich.
Magical Burnout Track: Every time you suppress your own values to follow company policy, tick a box.
- 3 Boxes = suffer a magical impairment (e.g., spell misfires, voice becomes corporate monotone).
- Clear boxes with Meaningful Rest (i.e., acts of rebellion, secret support groups, taking PTO without logging it).
Corporate Entities & Threats:
- The Middle Mage-ager – casts Compel Attendance, Detect Insubordination. Familiar: 3-eyed stapler.
- HR Lich – immortal administrator of burnout rituals. Controls onboarding and offboarding.
- KPI Elemental – manifests quarterly to audit your magical output.
- The Agile Summoner – runs daily Stand-Up Circles. You will participate.
- The Compliance Sprite – sits on your shoulder, whispering policy violations.
Familiar Restrictions: Company-assigned familiars are embedded with scrying charms and compliance monitors. Your productivity owl hoots disapprovingly when your bathroom breaks exceed four minutes. Independent familiars are discouraged and may trigger audits.
Meeting Magic: All meetings are conducted within conjured alignment circles. Attendance is enforced via Summon Zoomus. Each participant must chant the quarterly mantra (“Synergy, Strategy, Scalability”) before the magical whiteboard will activate.
The Resignation Ritual: To leave the company, you must break the Arcane NDA etched into your contract. Doing so triggers a cascade of containment protocols. Most employees simply vanish, turned into onboarding ghosts for future hires. Some say the HR Lich still holds the keys to true release, but she’s “in a meeting” indefinitely.
Setting Prompts:
- What was this company originally founded to do?
- What does it say it does now?
- What was the last truly magical thing you witnessed?
- What keeps you from quitting?
- What would it take to make you leave?
Session Structure:
- Start-of-Session: Assign OKRs. Review previous outcomes. Check burnout.
- Core Play: Navigate workplace rituals, handle magical disasters, survive meetings.
- End-of-Session Review: Update Burnout, Visibility Flags, and evaluate Objectives.
Sample Scenario: "The Wand That Wouldn’t Rebrand"
Premise: Marketing has rebranded your signature wand product line without notifying R&D, Compliance, or Arcano-Logistics. The new slogan (“Sleek. Safe. Synergized.”) is being projected psychically across every office floor. Unfortunately, the wands themselves are now malfunctioning—and you’ve been assigned to fix the problem before the all-company demo in 48 hours.
Complications:
- The Head of Branding is currently a frog (don’t ask).
- QA lead is on indefinite “Wellness Leave.”
- A rebellious wand has developed sentience and unionized a stapler and two coffee mugs.
- The KPI Elemental is observing your every move.
Goals:
- Uncover who authorized the rebrand.
- Convince the sentient wand to stand down.
- Survive the product demo.
- Avoid being reassigned to Janitorial Summoning.
Pregenerated PCs:
1. Zara Inkroot, the Compliance Oracle
- Brains: d20 | Flight: d6 | Grit: d10 | Charm: d4 | Fight: d8 | Brawn: d12
- Familiar: A silent crow that records infractions in blood-red ink.
- Personal Goal: “Finally be listened to—just once.”
- Secret: Knows how to bypass the Compliance Engine, but never dared use it… yet.
2. Blaze Cordwainer, the Reformed Hexslinger
- Fight: d20 | Charm: d10 | Grit: d8 | Brawn: d12 | Brains: d4 | Flight: d6
- Wand: Made from salvaged war relics, now in an ergonomic casing.
- Familiar: Retired hellhound (now a golden retriever).
- Goal: “Keep the peace. Hide the scars.”
- Secret: Still carries one forbidden spell, encoded in a fake memo.
3. Juniper "Junie" Dayglow, the Wellness Wizard
- Charm: d20 | Brains: d10 | Grit: d6 | Flight: d12 | Brawn: d4 | Fight: d8
- Familiar: A levitating Himalayan salt crystal named Geoff.
- Goal: “Radiate calm. Mask the panic.”
- Secret: Leaked the last round of employee engagement survey data. Intentionally.
4. Nolan Vex, the Arcano-Bureaucrat
- Grit: d20 | Brains: d12 | Flight: d10 | Brawn: d8 | Fight: d6 | Charm: d4
- Wand: Dual-tip wand/highlighter combo.
- Familiar: Spreadsheet elemental that drips cell formulas.
- Goal: “Keep everything...functioning.”
- Secret: Holds admin access to the building’s leyline schedule and may abuse it.
Tone & Safety: This game is meant to explore the absurdity and pain of modern corporate life through magical satire. As with Kids on Brooms, begin with Setting Boundaries. Define what kinds of corporate horror you want to explore—and what hits too close to home.
Final Note: You wield magic. But your calendar wields you.
Escape is possible. But only if you believe in something other than deliverables.